|Pregnant woman:||oh my god he's kicking!!|
|Me:||*punches her in the stomach* you think it's fucking cool to hit girls you little bitch??|
I was addicted to soap once
I’m clean now
this one time when i was seven i thought that i could talk to trees (because i had no friends), and i use to sit by them and say things and one day i was talking to my tree friend called kevin and this girl went up to me and said “are you talking to that tree, freak!” and i started crying and hugged on to the tree, and while she was laughing one of the branches fell on the girls head, thanks kevin.
throughout your life people will try to tell you that puns aren’t funny. these people are wrong.
Isn’t it weird that in 20 years you are going to be a completely different person then you are right now. A different house, different friends hopefully faster wifi.